Turned Believer Recipe

Turned Believer Recipe turnedbeliever

(How to Make An Atheist)



  • 1 Child (boy or girl)
  • 1 “Christian Family”
  • 1 Strainer
  • 1 Secular world


  1. Marinate child in a “Christian Family” (preferably lukewarm) for 10 years.
    Optional ingredient: Church attendance (no more than a pinch and church must be cold).
  2. Once marinated, pass child through strainer* into secular world.
    *ensure you select a strainer which will catch any Christian values as these must be kept separate from the secular world. Any residual Christian values will prevent a fully formed atheist and turn the secular world.
  3. Seal child in the secular world and let them ferment in the dark. Do not expose to The Light over the next few years.
  4. Your atheist is fully formed once hardened – the time for this to happen will vary from mid-high school to 2nd year University depending on the child you used (this has been known to start as early as primary school or as late as the post graduate years).
  5. Store in a dark, sealed container.
    Serve at end of days.

Caution: exposure to The Light can soften your atheist after they have been made. To make an extra hard atheist who won’t soften so easily, marinate the child in false light^ at step one using a cold to lukewarm “Christian Family” and a Frozen Church.

^avoidance of or poor answers to life’s tough questions, speech or action examples inconsistent with professed Godly values etc.


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