Online forums, they can be interesting places. I once came across one which had a thread in which most of the guys were posting (moaning) about how hard it was to find/ask a good Christian girl out. A lady decided to give them advice (more a piece of her mind), here’s some of how it went…

“COME ON, MEN! Grow-up. The only ones excused here are the few of you who are still in grade school (but you should pay attention for future reference).
It is not this difficult. Do you really want a relationship? One that can lead to a partnership between you, a Godly woman, and God. Step up to the plate”
“We are looking for a man who will lead our family spiritually and otherwise. The first hint of a man who can provide this is when he musters the strength, courage and determination to ASK THE GIRL OUT!"
“First. What do you want? Do you want a fling like the hellbound chump next to you? Do you want to be married so that you can compare notes with friends, feel loved and accepted, go on romantic vacations and join the Young Marrieds Bible Study? OR Have you taken the time to think of yourself with sober judgement and become a man who is worthy of marring a daughter of Christ?"



And there we have a summary of the challenge for the guys. Gentleman, let’s unpack that verbal smack down and understand what the ladies need and want.
A tighter 2 word summary would be “Servant King”.

Servant King

Gentleman, it’s time to Man Up and be the Ultimate man. No, not like the substandard stereotypes you see in the media. Don’t believe those lies.

The lies that men are incompetent, violent, chauvinistic, selfish and foolish. In short, of not much use for anything useful.
Don’t believe the lie that you should be a macho-chauvinist who rides rough shot over the lives of others in a singular pursuit of your goals. Or the lie that you should be the opposite, the human equivalent of a door mat. You can and should do better than that.




Believe the truth of who you really are, a Son of the Most High - Like Jesus. Be the fit, servant king spiritual leader willing and able to sacrificially love his bride so that she will bloom as God made her to.

In the Judeo-Christian view, there is a benchmark to which a man needs to live up to if he is to qualify to be a man & indeed, a husband. It's the standard of Christ himself, in how He gave His life for the church and He expects that of you for your mate. It says in Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it;“.

Women want to be committed to a Son of God. So if you are to be a Son of God, let’s follow the Son of God, Jesus.

Talk is Cheap, Service is not

A term which summarises Jesus well is “Servant King”. Jesus leads with humility, courage and wisdom. Above all however, He did so by example, He did so by serving.



Gentlemen, are you man enough to be a Servant King? Are you man enough to lay down your wants, to serve and respect the woman (and eventually children) in your life? Do you have the determination and guts to take on the responsibilities and risks involved with being the head of your future house?

Are you faithful in all things? Amongst other things, do you tithe, are your generous & are you honest?


Men, you are leaders. Exactly where you are leading others is an entirely other matter, but make no mistake, you are leaders. And here’s the stark, brute reality - God holds leaders accountable. Like it or not, that is what you are called to.

A lack of spiritual leadership disqualifies you from earthly leadership. You are called to lead your earthly relationships but are you spiritually qualifying yourself for that?
Your future spouse needs and deserves that.



Men, will you be disciplined enough to set and continually lift the spiritual benchmark? None of us are perfect but that is the benchmark - are you teachable in that you are working with God to continually grow?

Simply put: If you refuse to heed God’s call to lead you to a higher level of spirituality, you have no business leading of a Daughter of God since the business of marriage is the perfecting of the one that is loved.

Spiritual Warrior

Becoming the spiritual warrior God made you to be is another aspect of becoming a Servant King. That’s because you will be the primary protector of your marriage and your family but how can you be that if you aren’t even able to defend yourself? A soldier who can’t defend himself isn’t just useless, he is actually dangerous to himself and his army.

Every man wants to be a hero. He may not say so in such exact words but he does. And every woman wants to be married to a hero.



These are high standards, but what else would you expect of a hero? If you want to be the husband and the head of the household as God meant you to be, meeting this standard is mandatory and it’s your call.
Children need to be cared for, men should not. In fact, true men care for and protect others. Women want men, not boys. I should also state that women deserve men, not boys.

By being a Servant King, you show that you are strong enough to serve not so weak as to need to be “mommied”.
The ladies want to be committed to you as your wife, not as your mummy. Are you projecting the attitudes and actions of a boy or a man? Are you acting like a boy but expecting the privileges of a man? Like it or not, you do so with each word and act and the ladies are highly sensitive to that.

So guys, it’s time to man up. It’s time you rise up into the real you, the great Spiritual Leader and Warrior that God has made you to be, not the weak imitation that the world is wanting you to be satisfied with.

The ladies do not want that. The ladies do not want fake men. Nor should they. They deserve better. You deserve better. God deserves better. Because where your single’s journey is headed not only deserves that, it needs it.

Don’t grow up to live down to the world’s expectations. Make God your benchmark, not the world.
Bottom line: be man enough to Love your Wife (or wife to be) sacrificially so she blooms as God planned.

And now, let's have a chat about the standard for the ladies play